There's always two sides to everything.

Dear Baby,

How are you? I hope you're doing good up there with God. Mummy and Daddy are fine, missing you so very much, every passing day. We really do.

There's so many things that I want to share with you. When we first got the news that you were gonna be a part of our lives, we were overjoyed.
I don't know how to put into words, the extent of the happiness we felt at that point of time, when we knew we had you.
We want you to understand that, you are loved, so loved, from the point we knew of your existence, even though you've never had the chance to come into this world, you were and still are loved, and truly missed every second of the day.
I miss you my little angel.

I will never know how it feels to hold you in my arms. I won't know how you sound, or how you look, whether you'd be shy like Daddy or talkative like me....or whether you'd love me back the same.
Would you have grown up to hate me if I had brought you into this world, would you have held it against me?
I will never hear your laugh or cry, I'll never know how you sound.
Would you have been happy to have us, if we'd given you life despite being incapable of supporting you?
Did we make the right decision? We are sorry, we always will be. We are both devastated that we'll never get to meet you.
How can I make you understand?
The world is a beautiful place that you would have loved if you were here. But we would not have been able to show you the beauty it beholds. There wouldn't have been a bright future ahead of you and we wouldn't have been able to give you much.

I don't even know how to truly love myself yet. I haven't accepted myself, I'm still haunted by my past and my insecurities. I'm sorry that you had to pay the price for my recklessness. I did what I felt was best for you and us, yet to this day I still don't know if my decision was right.
When people who haven't been in my shoes talk about this, most of them say I'm wrong. They don't understand, do they? They wouldn't, till it happens to them, and that's okay.
But I wasn't going to keep you here and bring you into this world to suffer, just because of words from mouth that speaks from second-hand judgment through tinted lenses.
I felt that it'd be more cruel to have given you life without being able to provide you with even the most basic of needs, than to prevent that from happening at all.

People would say, 'But why would you kill your own baby?' 'You asked for it and got yourself into this, now accept the consequences and raise your child' 'You're a murderer'.

And should I have kept you, what would it be then? 'Why would you bring a child into this world when you can't even support yourself on your own two feet yet?' 'Your future and life is ruined'
I'm sorry to quote such words. You are innocent.
And this I hope you'd understand too, that my future and life meant nothing to me when I decided not to let you into this world, it was yours that was of my utmost concern, your future which would have been dim, your life which would not have been great or happy with minimal sense of security, no home of your own with us, not being able to give you everything you wanted, not knowing how to love you right.
Your future and life would have been horrible, and that was what mattered to me, only that itself.
I'm so sorry.

I can never deny that with every passing day, I think about you, and although I know I made what I felt was the best decision, I regret it.
I regret my recklessness. I regret letting that even happen, allowing the opportunity for such a decision to be made happen. It could have all been prevented, but I was stupid and careless. And you had to pay for it.
I'm sorry.
I'm trying to forgive myself for it, because I know deep in my heart that I made a mistake and I did what was best to solve it.
But I'd never know for sure, you know what I mean?
I'd never know.

I'm back! :)

My god it's been forever hahahahha hello to whoever's reading this!

2 whole years :O !!!!!!

Well I hope everyone's been doing gooooood :) I've been okay, doing much better since I've figuratively completely removed myself from social media hahahahha.
I don't know why I'm back on here again tbh. Mostly because I'm just up early and bored (it's 5:40am now).
Secondly because I kinda miss blogging or more like i miss going on and on about myself and my day and my emotions and posting it online letting the world read it actually does give one some form of satisfaction HAHAHA
Anyyyhooooo.

My life for the past two years has been preeetttyyy.....interesting.
First things first I'm proud to say that last year, in 2015, I've probably only stepped into a club 5 times (or less).
And this year I've yet to club at all. Yes my drinking habits has changed. Okay only technically.
I still enjoy beer and wine but in the comforts of my home with my laptop infront of me and earpiece plugged in whilst enjoying we are harlot, papa roach, nickelback, kenny rogers and abba (when I've had too much LOL).
WELL YES I'M PROUD TO SAY THAT THE SHIT PERIOD OF MY TEENAGE LIFE WHERE CLUBBING WAS 'THE LIFE' HAS BEEN LONG GONE, AND YES i really do feel the need to get this out there because that was the kind of image I built for myself back in the day, no? Aha!
Well, I'm an adult now (totally don't feel like one though).

I've completed my O levels, and am gna graduate from my fashion design&marketing diploma course in october this year. Yep finally got on a path with a goal and some form of direction.

Back in the start of 2015 I've changed my number and broken contact with a whole bunch of people, which to this day I still somewhat regret because I did that in an extremely selfish and ridiculous manner as they did not wrong me in any particular way. I just felt like that was what's best for myself and my future, and I guess to this day it has proven to be quite true. So, no guilt.
Just maybe the sporadic thought that occurs telling me I could have been kinder about it. Which I then repeat in my mind that sometimes in life we do have to put ourselves first, which I did, which is the one thing I'd never regret.

I'm in a happy (super happy 100% i am going to marry him) blissful yet dysfunctional relationship with the love of my life (l-o-l what a cliche thing to say), Alexander Bora Maranion Ganapathi who believe it or not, was my very first crush when I was 13. We've been together 1 year 5 months since october 2014 hahahahah.
Dysfunctional because of the corny I hate you arguments and fuck you fuck off this is over blahblahs then a call back in the morning, 10 minute crying from me or him and then blahblahblahblah everything's fine again.
But, I'm happy with him. My baby step-siblings are now 2 and 1 year+ and making the house noisier a lot livelier as each day passes. Which is good, this house has been dead for as long as i could remember.
It's great to finally see my dad smile again though the grey hairs on his head are sprouting x100 faster and his hairline seems like it's fallen back 2 inches causing his forehead to gradually morph into a giant square ROFL

My little doggy snowie, is 16 years old now, still with me but not as active as before. He's getting old and is unable to see or hear as clearly as before. It makes me sad, but that day will come eventually. Just gonna make him happy and stay assured that he's lived a long, complete life filled with love and affection till then.

I've made a few new friends throughout these 2 years who's brightened up my life, actual friends, to my surprise as well they don't smoke or drink. I'm the shit of the group LOL.

So yeah, life is good.
I'll post again tomorrow :)

Here's a bunch of picture updates in ascending order from jan 2015 (went to the new years party at sentosa!) till now~~~~:

Mi amor, senior Alejandro HAHAHAHAH

New year's 2015 with my girls :)

Valentine's Day 2015 with Alex :)

Made the dumbest decision of my life '15 to bleach my hair red and get extensions right after that totally fried my hair LOL.....we got a promise ring and bullshat to everyone that we were engaged HAHAHAHAH..

As you can see my hair faded but the extensions stayed red (hideous omg). Had a trip to Melaka fr 4 days and stayed in the Holiday Inn Suite :) Their nyonya cuisine was the point of that trip. Apparently lost 2 kilos when i was back tho, TO MY PLEASANT SURPRISE HAHAHA

A wonderful and memorable night out back then with my mum, alex and my best friend shanny (still my best friend :) yay), we all got drunk at this pub (i can't rmb the name of it) in bugis plus and took so many pictures at their outdoor sitting area on the rooftop hahaha

So since the red faded SNIP SNIP SNIP I CHOPPED ALL MY HAIR OFF. BOY HAIRCUT PERIOD FOR ME, which i thoroughly enjoyed but wouldn't do again cuz it made me feel fatter. Like really. Short hair DOES make you look fatter if you're already short and chubby like me.
That was shortlived tho, my roots started growing out and jeez i just realized like seriously I care way too much about my hair. Like rly all these years of my life, the 'beauty' thing i care most about is hair cuz my hair is forever changing LOL.
So my roots starting growing out, i dyed my hair back to dark brown, and...got extensions again! LOL

I LOVED IT SO MUCH THOUGH. FAVOURITE HAIR OF THE YEAR. 

Then since I felt so much happier, wasn't clubbing as often (i find tht hard for whoever's reading this to believe tho since in a few of these pictures i do have beer or wine in the frame but believe me hahahahaa it's been a long time since i've gotten dead drunk. figuratively forever since i've been drunk. really.)

Anyway, since i've felt much happier and back to myself again. I went back to painting :) did these two small paintings last year with what i believe is poster paint for kids tht i got from ikea for $6.50 on impulse LOL!!!

Was pretty pleased with these paintings too :) So my exams were over, and i went on it's the ship 2015 with mel! We got an amazing last minute ticket deal for only $300+!!! :O :O IKR
Piccccieeessss:

AND I GOT A PICTURE WITH HIRZI I LOVE HIM OK L-O-V-E HIM: 

Then it's 2016~~~ and i started on my fashion design course in MDIS in february :)

met these lovely people that i'm thankful to have in school and in my life :)
Lastly, a few more recent photos of me now:

And that's about it :) Hahahahah. I'm glad I updated. Checked on my stats and to my surprise this blog is still getting an average of 1000+ views monthly, so I guess theres at least some normal people who still read this space of mine (Apart from the creeps and weirdos or no-lifers who just wants to see if i'm dead yet HAHAHAHA)
All in all, I'm happy with how my life is going now. There's still struggles of course, it's not an array of unicorns and rainbows lel but I'm learning and growing much more as each day passes.

So there ya go :)

P.S: I'm back on ask.fm again and would love to answerany of your questions if ya'll need advice or someone to talk to or anything :) Same account, @qtpuffpie. Lots of love xoxoxoxoxo

Joke of a scammer.

So two days back I received a Facebook message from this account 'Jesslyn Xiong'.
She asked me if I would be interested in a sponsorship.
This is gna be an interesting post guys *giggles to self*

I replied her and at this point of time I didn't really bother to click on her profile, cuz judging from her profile pic she just seems like a normal girl. It didn't even really occur to me that this might be a fake account.
And then, when she replied again telling me it was swimwear I last-seened her and did not reply her message. I was considering if I'd actually be comfortable with that.
Unlike other sponsors I've had before, who would wait for your reply or wouldn't bother already if you had seen their message but stopped replying.
She sent me another message asking me if I'm 'fine with this' because 'they target to mail it to me by christmas'.

I still did not exactly suspect anything, but it was weird.
It's like she was desperate for me to advertise this swimwear for her. Especially when I did not reply and she had to send me another message starting with a 'because', as if she was trying to spark my interest a little or coax me into replying. Get what I'm saying?

So although I did not exactly doubt 'Jesslyn' yet, the suspicion was there.

By the way side track for abit. This is the one thing I cannot stand about scammers. They think that people like me (now i'll put this in a very shallow and general statement).

People who state their opinions openly online,

-By this I'm referring to basically ALL of my statuses. My rants, my complaints, my controversial posts, my opinions, my goals, my expectations, my regrets, my emotional bullshit when I'm upset blahblahblah.

People who has quite a number of followers,

-I'm not saying I'm famous. Let me get this straight right from the start before anyone starts going around saying 'Walao eh this bella choi so thickskin my god' and blah blah blah. I'm saying that having 24k followers on Facebook is not what you see everyday on a typical Singaporean girl.
Yes, I'm being honest and frank.
And to be even more honest, I don't earn anything out of my followers. I don't earn money from Facebook, I don't get any beneficial recognition, nothing. It's just a meaningless number that's there.
So when people think otherwise of me or look at me like I'm some attention-seeking or maybe influential online 'figure' or 'celeb', I really do not like it.

With that stated, moving on,

So I replied her again this time asking what the name of her shop or blogshop was.

But nope, it was actually a company called HUIT.

THE MOMENT I READ THAT, I LAUGHED TO MYSELF INSIDE. LIKE OKAY WHO'S THIS BITCH AGAIN. 

For those who don't know what HUIT is, I took the time to google it.

 NOT only is it hilarious that she claims to be working for HUIT, a france-based company that's famous in the UK with Kate Moss herself wearing their lingerie, but to say that they want to sponsor me, a nobody that's simply infamous online in Singapore. That's just plain dumb.

It instantly gave me the idea like okay this is definitely some stupid sick bastard who went to such an extent to message me faking a sponsorship in hopes of asking me sick questions and getting bikini shots, who probably googled 'Bikini and swimwear companies' when I asked what the name of the store/online shop was and purposely (or maybe just stupidly) told me it was HUIT thinking that if I'd believe it and had googled it, and saw that HUIT was such a successful and famous company, i'd get excited about it and agree instantly or something.

And no, I'm not sexist to assume that it was a male behind this. It was just obvious.
Maybe your definition of obvious differs from mine, but every possible motive that this 'faker' might have all led to the conclusion that it'd be a guy.
If 'Jesslyn' was female, she'd probably be after money. Which was impossible because she told me 'you don't need to pay anything'.

So with that cleared, back to my rant.

Bitch PLEASE. How fucking stupid does he think I am? That was downright INSULTING.
I can't even express in words how insulted I was by him thinking that I was THAT DUMB and that he could actually fool me, or anyone in that case with such a proclamation.
I don't even care if I sound bitchy, but this douchebag has no idea how smart I am.
And how smart I know that I am. Not to brag or whatever as well but I do have an IQ that's above the global average. heh *flips hair* Okay maybe I am bragging, but it is something that I am proud of.
HAHA.
So at this point I just had to reply him to find out who this asshole was.
I figured it would not be that unsafe to give out my number because eventually I could just block him on whatsapp if he were to harass me after or call me or whatever.

NOW I'M NOT SAYING IT'S SAFE TO GIVE OUT YOUR NUMBER TO TOTAL STRANGERS.
But I personally know how to handle it and I've an alternate number that I don't even use that often, which was what I gave him.
Out of plain curiosity and it was necessary as well since I already planned to expose this 'Jesslyn'.

He better be very thankful that I've still got the courtesy to censor his number.
From here onwards I was just replying to entertain this idiot. And it just kept getting better and better.
'If you are fine we will be sponsoring you lingerie wear too'
Wow I didn't know that HUIT, a company that's so fucking huge would be so damn generous to someone who's never shopped at their outlets in her life because I can't afford it (even topshop is overpriced for me) LOL.

My reply was with a hint of sarcasm if you can tell.
Of course there'd be photos my dear little pervert, I mean I shall just reply you with the exact words that you wanna hear so you'd expose more of your perviness for the world to see thank you very much.
And I decided to start with what I'd like to call the 'panic questions'.
Questions you'd ask that make scammers using fake profiles and names panic for awhile, maybe scurry over to google or crack his skull thinking of more lies to answer you with.

Oh and the stupidity of his just got me going even more. Before i even asked where the *ahem* HUIT outlet was based in singapore, I had already googled it and found out that they've only one outlet which is in Mandarin Gallery.

^ look at this stupid pig.
'Physical stall in orchard soon'. Oh no I was enquiring about the psychological stall actually *rolls eyes*
I continued with the panic questions of course, and as I expected.
When you put an answer in your question that you ask these people, they'd happily go along with it because they're too stupid to think of another one themselves, or perhaps because they feel like they've won since you 'believe them' and had already assumed something, it'd be best for them to confirm with you that you're right.

Example: If i were to say "Ohhhh so you're the manager of HUIT?'
He would reply with a 'Yes yes I'm the manager' because I had already stated 'so you're the manager' in my question'.

But if I were to ask 'Ohhhh so who are you? You're working for HUIT or? What's your position?'
He'd be panicking running on google thinking about how to answer me. Get my point here?

What a fucking joke i cannot believe it. *skips around my room* Marketing manager my ass just go kiss a donkey's butt (i didn't wanna type ass twice in a sentence).

HERE COMES THE BEST PART GUYS. The moment he texted me, I immediately facebook searched his number. HAHAHAHAHA TAKE A LOOK AT WHAT THE RESULTS WERE.

I clicked on all of the three profiles. The only one that was singaporean, was yea, you guessed it,
Mr Wu Yaqi.
Well maybe, just maybe, it was some guy that had the same phone number. But what are the odds?
I did screenshot yaqi's profile and laugh at it a little but I shall not post it, I mean if that guy was really innocent and is not the same person, I'd be fucked.
I'll leave it to you guys to search and view it yourselves.

That was why I complimented his 'tattoo' as well on his whatsapp dp.
And of course, as expected again, since i've put an answer in the question I asked him already, acting like I assumed his profile picture was him, he'd go off thanking me and trying to further the conversation, as all sick bastards would.
'How many bikini sets do you have as of now?'

NOW I REALLY DON'T KNOW IF THIS GUY IS REALLY DUMB, LIKE IF HE WANTS TO SCAM SOMEONE AT LEAST USE HIS BRAIN A LITTLE. BUT HE'S ALREADY EXPOSED HIMSELF LONG AGO, DON'T YOU THINK?

What kind of a sponsor, especially if it was HUIT or TOPSHOP or FOREVER21, would ask such personal questions? Are you kidding me? And as his stupidity continued to fly out of proportion, i just got more and more insulted. Like wow, this guy actually thinks i'm THAT dumb.
Bastard.

So I decided to give him a, what I'd like to call 'worrying answer' (worrying towards him). Such as 'Why does that matter?'
If i were him and i read that i'd be like 'Oops maybe I shouldn't have asked that...'
And just look at his stupid answers.

Matter on which sorry to ask, aw how polite of you you sick bastard. Don't be sorry I mean it's not like I was even offended by you talking to me in the first place (:
Just a personal question? Hey bro it seems like your level of intellect is falling down a hole you might wanna chase after it before it dies or maybe jump along with it too.

'Yes cos we need u toilet us know compare to the one u have to our brand for review'

I DON'T EVEN WANNA GET STARTED ON HIS BROKEN ENGLISH THROUGHOUT EVERYTHING.
It gets better guys, IT GETS BETTER.

IN DEPTH SURVEY. HAHAHAHAHAHA.
There goes his perviness flapping (or maybe fapping) about in absent direction.
So I decided like y'know what i'm done with this, I'm just gonna get him to send me all the questions straight so it'd be easier to expose every single one.
And look at him. Look at how nervous he is. 'Haha sure but i'll ask thru here?'
Oh no of course I'd call you with my house phone or something and we can discuss it privately because I'm stupid, no? (:

Hahahahahahahahahaha was all i could say at this point.
Which leads to my final question to him, 'May i tell you a funny story?'
And here it is loser.
BURN.

Pictures of the fake profile he has:

I think it's pretty obvious why I was so convinced that it's fake as well right? 

Quite 'clever' of him to use a foreign girl that's asian as well but still stupid as all of this girl's friends obviously aren't singaporean. No racism or anything, but it's just so damn obvious.

He thinks that by using an asian girl, it'll be more believable.

He went for a girl that obviously isn't singaporean because it's harder to get caught cause probably few or even no one in singapore knows this girl.

Enjoy the story Wu Yaqi, now goodbye and have a nice day. A wonderful day actually. hugs and kisses. XOXO. HAHAHA.