It's been so long since i've blogged omgggg.
Kaykay soooo. Sup man. :D
Hahahah it feels so weird to be typing a blog post after such a long time.
Anywaaaaays.
Lotsa shit has been happening. But I've realised lots of things recently.
And trying kinda hard not to look at things close but looking at the bigger picture instead.
Get what I mean? c:
Sometimes, life just decides to be a big bitch and gives us crap.
Then we feel like its the end of the world.
Say maybe our parents divorced, a boyfriend or girlfriend left us, or a fight with a friend.
Life is just one big BITCH, no?
But I love it. I love life. If nothing ever pushes us down and forces us to get back up on our feet by ourselves, then we'd be dumb forever.
I'd rather get shit thrown at me and become stronger after everything's over,
than just sit there and be a little pampered princess who gets whatever I please.
That used to be me though.
I was one hell of a dumb naive spoilt brat.
But i've learnt alot. Though I'm still spoilt (; .
We are all humans. We all want what we want. And when we don't get what we want,
it kinda fucks us up.
Some throws a fuss. Some cries. Some just shuts up about it.
Or some does all of that depending on the situation.
Nothing is easy in life. I'm 16 now, and I'm starting to think of my future.
I've honestly never really cared for it, cos I thought fuck it man I'm still schooling.
Why th hell should I think of my future, after my studies then I'll think.
Hah, but thinking tht way led me to not caring about my studies either.
Like hey, i can always study 1 year later. I wanna have fun now.
Everyone wants to. But gosh, why was i so damnnnn stupid.
Why didn't I go to school and study hard, maybe I'd be able to graduate from secondary school already right now.
But nope, I retained this year, didn't change, and yes I'm retaining sec 3 again next year.
I'll be 17 next year, and I'm still in secondary 3. Its embarrasing, but whatever.
Its okay. Theres still time, though not much, its the last chance I'm gonna get and also gonna give myself.
I have to change and wake th fuck up.
Ive been with my boyfriend, kelvin for 13 months now.
These 13 months has been amazing, though there were breaks and patches in btw.
I know he loves me, and I know tht he knows I love him too.
I'm so thankful to have a guy like him by my side.
Honestly, he is my boyfriend, but also the only true friend I've got.
The one I can trust with anyth and everything.
I can't express how thankful I am.
Things would be so hard if he wasn't here for this past year..I can't even imagine what I'd be like if he didn't come into my life.
I really am thankful..(:
But of course, no matter what, I've gotta learn to stand on my own feet.
And purely on my own. I've gotta learn how to be strong on my own without the help of others, cos I suck so damn badly at tht.
I don't want to be a failure anymore. I've had enough of disappointing the ones around me who care for me, and letting myself down too. \:
I'm quite a perfectionist too. Tht's something that I wanna change.
Not exactly change though, but something that I wanna stop being so strongwilled about.
Theres always people who are better than you in one way or another.
You can never be the best, no one can.
But. You are special. Every single person on earth is unique in their own way.
Thts what makes each and every person different, and themselves.
But soooo many people are trying to be someone else, what for?
When God gave you, you. When he gave you your life for YOU to live.
Why live your life trying to fit into someone elses shoes and throw aside your pair thats only meant for you and you alone to wear?
Be yourself, and be happy to be you. (:
There were times that I feel inferior to people. That I get jealous, and try very hard to 'beat' them and be 'better'.
That I change the way I act and speak in front of different people, just for the sake of fitting in.
Even though I know tht its stupid, I still do.
Fitting in is very crucial to me.
Thats a thing that I wanna change, it is STUPID.
Comparing, competeing, its just plain dumb when everyone is already special.
Yeapppp.
I'm also so grateful that my mum hasn't given up on me.
I think I'm very lucky to have parents who care for and love me, and a boyfriend that loves and cares for me too. I didn't appreciate this at all in the past.
I swear to god I never realised how lucky I was, hell I even pitied myself so damn much thinking I was a miserable soul.
Irritating much. Gosh ew wtf was wrong with me....
But anyhow, I am thankful now. I appreciate every single bit of care and love they give me now.
Because now, I know how precious it is.
Everyone should start appreciating what they've got instead of whining over what they don't have or have lost.
Start appreciating and being grateful that at least most of us are born with sight, hearing, two arms and two legs ten fingers and toes. And so many more things too. c:
I love my life, even though it's not perfect, even though I do wish to live in a mansion and have a luxurious 5star life. I love it just the way it is.
And I really should get to sleep. ._. Haven't been sleeping properly for 3 nights already. I think I'll stop here. c:
Byebyeeeee~ <3.
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