Family issues-

Those out there who lives with parents that are seperated/divorced/single-parented,

or who's grown up without a mum or dad.

The feeling is terrible yeah?

I'm not single parented, but my parents were seperated when I was sec 1.

It's been 5 years, but it still feels just as painful and hard.

I'm always trying to avoid these thoughts, but of course, how is it possible.

Holding back tears and faking a smile becomes easier to do as each day passes.

But the pain never gets less.

I don't know if anyone would understand anything I'm saying now.

Hahahahh but at least I do.

I bet those who's got parents that are seperated, and actually cares (which would be almost all I guess. Who can not care about their parents?) would have th times where they flip through old family photographs where everyone was happy.

Where they had a happy family.

With a mum and dad that loved each other so much.

I sound like I'm so full of self pity \:

but that period's over for me. I don't pity myself.

This happened for a reason, and I'm actually thankful for it.

Theres just nobody I can really talk to about this.

Obviously not my parents. Not my mums boyfriend, though we are close.

Friends and my boyfriend would just be..idontknow. Just feels wrong.

I dont know why but it just does.

I just want to see my mum happy again.

I can't be sure if she was happy with my dad before at all. \:

Cos if she was, I guess this wouldn't have happened. But I have seen her happy before.

Truly happy.

And ever since all this happened, there was never a time I actually saw her truly,

genuinely, smiling. It breaks my heart to see her like tht.

Same goes for my dad.

I'm always seeing th both of them so miserable.

It's so obvious that they still love each other. Why don't they just get back together?

Easy to say, but way too late to even try to do.

They both had already 'moved on.'

Found someone new.

I think my mum just doesn't want to, maybe because she doesn't love him anymore.

Which I doubt. But because she also loves her boyfriend now and can't hurt him.

And also doesn't wna get hurt, again by stepping back. |':

I'm not rly in a position to say much.

As i'm only their daughter..this is between them.

But it was so sudden when it happened.

There isn't a day tht goes by where I wish that they would just turn back and hug each other again.

Smile, and laugh happily together again.

Sometimes I even feel embarrased about it.

To be a child of two people that is like, not even happy together.

Things would be much easier if I wasn't born. For them.

If I could I would unborn myself just so that it'd be way easier for their lives now, being seperated.

I hate seeing my mum and dad depressed.

I swear I put my mum before myself.

We all should put our mums before ourselves. They do exactly the same thing for us.

Hang on I gotta smoke. ):

K hi. Haha winston xstreme mint is nice.

Anyway. Im sure our parents have love songs they sung to each other when they were together, no? Well, maybe some has some doesn't.

Mine had plentyyyy. Haha and whenever you go out.

And those old classic love songs just plays in some random store.

It's just real upsetting yeah? And many thoughts just runs through your mind.

\: it feels terrible.

Dont know about you guys, but my parents, are the first two people that are capable of hurting me most in the world. They mean the most to me.

Then my boyfriend.

Then my relatives.

Then my friends.

Why the fk am i shivering omg. But I don't really feel cold.

Wait do I feel cold? K whatever.

Anyways.

Throughout these five years, my mum has found a second someone tht loves her dearly, I believe.

My dad hasn't. He's found many. But I know he doesn't love any of them, at all.

He's just lonely.

I really wanna hug him everyday, give him a kiss and tell him I love him.

But I never have the guts to approach him after pushing him away for so many years.

Get what I mean?

I dont know why..

Same thing for my grandma too.

In th past few years, i've said and done so many things that's disappointed and hurt them.

I've said that I don't love them, hate them, and honestly felt that way too.

But no. I do love them.

I was just being a childish selfish brat, thinking tht they are supposed to understand, and that they deserve it after what they've done. yknow? But I would take that all back if I could.

I know they forgive me for that, they understand that I don't mean it.

And I'm so fucking happy and feel so fucking damn lucky that they forgive me and never push me away as I did to them.

They never push or throw me away.

Our parents would never do that to us, no matter what they say or how they act.

They will ALWAYS love us.

Always.

I guess I'll just stop here..I don't have much more to say \:

haha. Just had to let alot of feelings out.

I'm going to make a change about this.

I've realised alot, and started understanding alot more.

Ive still got much more to learn.

I love my parents.

We all should tell and show them how much we love them, before it's too late.

They won't live forever, but they will give us all their love in their entire lifetime.

We should too. heh.

baii.